The Grief Journey Continues
It has been 43 days since I last wrote. And what a painful 43 days it has been. June was just a difficult month the whole month long. I can always tell when a milestone date is approaching without even looking at a calendar because the sadness of my heart moves out to the surface of my skin and feels exposed to everyone. At times it feels like no healing has occurred and I am starting over in the journey of grief. That is one thing I learned very early on about grief. It is not linear. There are many days I feel OK, then better, then rock bottom, then on top of the world, and then just surviving. It is always changing. And it is NOT a continual improvement. I move up and down. Just because I have a bad day, followed by a good day, it does not mean the next day will be even better.
Maguire's fourth birthday was June 30th, 2009. Every year on the day of his birth and the day he gained his wings (we call this Angel Day), we celebrate his life. Some times these celebrations are covered with sadness and tears, but we still celebrate the child he was, the amazing color he added to our family, and the spirit of his character that lives on in our hearts. For those who did not have the opportunity to meet our little Maguire, he was always ready to share a big smile with anyone who passed in front of his vision. He was the best hugger I had ever met. He was simply a very happy baby. I have often said he got more kisses on any given day than some people get in their whole lives combined. He was adored by his parents and doted on daily by his older brother and sister.
I cannot believe how complicated my grief of losing Maguire has become since losing his brother Titus this spring. I almost feel as if my process of healing in regards to Maguire has gone backwards. While I know I will never completely heal from either loss, I guess I had felt that those two losses were separate within me. In truth I feel as if they are intertwined, mixed, and stirred up all together. I remember saying right before Maguire's birthday that I felt as if "the recent compound fracture upon my heart has left me feeling less brave to face the morrow." I felt even weaker to face Maguire's fourth birthday than his third. The point that I want to make here is that I know of no twelve step program to overcome grief. For everyone who is mourning the loss of a loved one, chances are that it will look and feel different from anyone else you have ever met. Even within yourself, it may change year to year...month to month...day to day...and sometimes hour to hour.
My heart is with anyone who is suffering a loss. If you feel you need to find someone to help you move through your journey, please find a local therapist who can help you. And if you know of anyone who may benefit from reading my website or blog, please feel free to forward this page on to them.
<:od>In Loving Memory of Maguire Davis Gilner
June 30, 2005 ~ March 2, 2006
Maguire's fourth birthday was June 30th, 2009. Every year on the day of his birth and the day he gained his wings (we call this Angel Day), we celebrate his life. Some times these celebrations are covered with sadness and tears, but we still celebrate the child he was, the amazing color he added to our family, and the spirit of his character that lives on in our hearts. For those who did not have the opportunity to meet our little Maguire, he was always ready to share a big smile with anyone who passed in front of his vision. He was the best hugger I had ever met. He was simply a very happy baby. I have often said he got more kisses on any given day than some people get in their whole lives combined. He was adored by his parents and doted on daily by his older brother and sister.
I cannot believe how complicated my grief of losing Maguire has become since losing his brother Titus this spring. I almost feel as if my process of healing in regards to Maguire has gone backwards. While I know I will never completely heal from either loss, I guess I had felt that those two losses were separate within me. In truth I feel as if they are intertwined, mixed, and stirred up all together. I remember saying right before Maguire's birthday that I felt as if "the recent compound fracture upon my heart has left me feeling less brave to face the morrow." I felt even weaker to face Maguire's fourth birthday than his third. The point that I want to make here is that I know of no twelve step program to overcome grief. For everyone who is mourning the loss of a loved one, chances are that it will look and feel different from anyone else you have ever met. Even within yourself, it may change year to year...month to month...day to day...and sometimes hour to hour.
My heart is with anyone who is suffering a loss. If you feel you need to find someone to help you move through your journey, please find a local therapist who can help you. And if you know of anyone who may benefit from reading my website or blog, please feel free to forward this page on to them.
<:od>In Loving Memory of Maguire Davis Gilner
June 30, 2005 ~ March 2, 2006
Posted by Dawn Gilner at 7/28/2009 3:01 PM 
Categories: Grief
Tags: mourning death Grief loss of child
Categories: Grief
Tags: mourning death Grief loss of child
I can see that you are an expert in this field! I am launching a website soon, and this information is very useful for me. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business.
Reply to this
An enlightening piece of information, many thanks for adding it on your site.
Reply to this
Your blog is informative – you have a some recent neat information.we enjoy your site theme where'd you download the theme?
Reply to this
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to see how you work and learn so much!
Reply to this
I wanted to say that it’s nice to know that someone else also mentioned this as I had trouble finding the same info elsewhere. This was the first place that told me the answer. Thanks.
Reply to this
Hey I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading your blog. You have good views, Keep up the good informative info
Reply to this
Superb blog post, a bunch of great data. I am about to show my girlftriend and ask them what they think.
Reply to this
Excellent article, a great deal of valuable information.
Reply to this
I enjoy reading a lot and your stories are worth reading, nice blog, keep it up.
Reply to this
Aw, this was a really quality post. In theory I’d like to write like this also – taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and never seem to get anything done… Regards…
Reply to this